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February 2012



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Feb. 2nd, 2012

Chapter One: The Melody of Love's Refrain


You take a deep breath and let everything out: the negative, and in some cases the positive.
You smile and think, "Everything is okay, I feel good." You go off on a happy tangent, listen to some upbeat songs and seemingly go about your day.

Then, somewhere throughout the day whatever feeling that kept you going disappears. Your feelings overwhelm you like the wave that overcomes a surfer. You take a moment to sit down and stare blankly at the wall.

There comes a point in life where you completely breakdown and you go through a great struggle just to keep yourself together. 

In my case, I started thinking..

I feel like I'm fighting to stay alive. Well to put it into better words..I'm fighting to sustain my sanity. Because if I let go for one second, I will fall apart. And it's hard. It's painfully difficult..all these questions filter through your mind.

What could have I done ? Or done better? Why is everything falling apart like this now? What will happen in the future ? Why am I so scared? Why can't I make this easier for myself? When will this be over?

Everyday these questions fill my mind and I lose all the strength that I held within me.

This is one of the absolute lowest moments of your life. No matter what people go through, we all share this universal sadness.This is the point where people want to escape and desperately find ways to ease the pain.

And I say NO to that method of dealing with your emotions and situation.

Face it head on. Use the pain as a mechanism to find your strength.

Easier said than done. Yes, I am quite aware of that.

Do not get lost in the cycle of whatever you are in. Find yourself.

Its hopeless, It's difficult, It's complicated.

I know.

You have to fight through the worst sometimes to see the best.
Never believe that a situation that happens in your life will make things permanent.
You are in control of that. You have the power to change your life. Give yourself that power.

Be strong and courageous, stay centered and focus on what you want for yourself.


Jan. 26th, 2012

Chapter One: The Melody of Love's Refrain


When you get older, you realize that it gets harder to realize things (as funny as that sounds) and because of that it also gets harder to change.  You get stubborn and refuse to change, simply because its not what your used to.
Life is never constant, so change with it.
I'm not saying lose the person you are for the sake of change but intertwine the two. 

Personally, I hate change I hate having to make adjustments in my life for any reason. To be honest, I never had a good enough reason to change, specifically change my flaws. 

I conformed to the idea that, who I was was me. I didn't have to to change, I had no reason to. If people didn't like it well honestly stay out of my life. 

But then Life does this complete 360 on you. And shows you a different world-a world where you can be mature, stronger, healthier, happier. And you are given a choice where you can either live the same lifestyle as you have been or change it.

In my case, I am in the process to change. I want change but I trying to get through the difficulty of it. Because like many people in this world I hate change. I love knowing what's going to happen when it happens.
But I can't live like that. Life always changes. Yes I understand that some things constant. But you don't have to.
Why would you want to? How can you learn or gain wisdom from not changing? How can you grow as a person by staying the same? 

I learned the hard way. I refused to change the person I was for someone very important to me. 

I'm horribly demanding, selfish, and easily disappointed

And being young and stupid as I am, I stood my ground, refusing to change. 

Then my life slowly started to fall apart. Slowly and painfully, in a way where I couldn't even see it at the time.

After months of this, at the climax, I finally officially decided that I wanted to change.
I wanted to become someone better.
I allowed for so much to fall apart because I was too comfortable with who I was. 

Little by little I made changes to myself. I knew I couldn't do it all at once. I started to become more reasonable, I realized when I made mistakes. 

No amount of trying can prevent you from continuing to make the same mistakes sometimes.
As much as you want to change, you can't or it's really hard to. 

No amount of trying can show that you are actually changing either. Both this concepts were hard for me to comprehend. And still are.

Theres nothing you can do about it though. But just keep struggling to make a change to make things better for yourself. If you truly want something you will fight to get it . Because through all that blood sweat and tears, you will get what you are fighting for.

And I am continuing this fight to better myself. I'm not going to lie I'm struggling. It's not easy and it will never be. But I don't care. I want to be a better person.

A line from the song Someone to Watch Over Me, inspired the title. My personal favorite rendition of that song is by Ella Fitzgerald.

the first

Hi (: So..to keep it simple. I decided to write a blog that is sort of going to be designed like a book. It'll be set up with different chapters and parts of my life and what not. So I hope you enjoy this series (: